Teens are pros at pushing our buttons.
Their snarky tone, biting words, and contentious looks can send us over the edge.
Who do they think they are? How dare they talk to us that way?
Our immediate reaction is to shut that ‘tude down.
Been there. Done that.
The problem is, we’re thinking about it wrong.
We’re making it about ourselves.
They’re disrespecting ME.
They’re not listening to ME.
They are questioning MY authority.
But it’s not about us.
It’s about your teen doing the best they can to self-advocate. To voice their opinion. To be heard.
If they’re used to being shut down, they immediately jump into offense mode. From their perspective their behavior is protective.
Instead of getting angry, adopt the Q-TIP Principle: Quit Taking It Personally.
When we can separate our own feelings from the situation, we’re able to recognize that our teen is learning to communicate difficult feelings and thoughts — but isn’t very good at it yet.
When our own emotions aren’t clouding our view, we are able to listen from a place of curiosity and empathy. We can use our wisdom to figure out what our teen is trying to say and calmly coach them on how to communicate more effectively and respectfully.
When our teen feels heard and understood by us, their self-esteem strengthens, their compassion deepens, and their respect for us grows.
